Harry Potter and the Impossible Love Shape
by Papayas Say That's Kooky
Summary: Just poking fun at some of the most outrageous love pairingstrianglesshapes. Might be a little overdone Oh heck, who am I kidding...these things are never overdone...at least not to me but this one's got a bit of a different flair. Read and review please


A/N: G'day mates. Because I hate reading stories from the top of the page, I am going to put his simple and completely useless author's note at the top. If you read the summary, then you know what this story is about. If not, then click the back button…over there…there…you got it! And then read the summary. Good.

Harry Potter sat in the Great Hall, nearly drowning in his puddle of angsty romance. He was staring longingly across the table, where the Slytherins sat. The object of his site was none other than the lovely, absolutely gorgeous Pansy Parkinson. Her pug-face was that of an angel's, he thought dreamily, ignoring the students that became violently ill every time they looked at her, thus causing the table to be covered in various foods and various Slytherin barfs. The chatter of Ron and Hermione seemed non-existent to him as she gazed toward his love. He was so head-over-heels for this girl. It was hard to imagine that, amongst all this angst, he could feel emotions. He was infatuated. He had a huge crush. He was in love. How many other ways can I say this before you feel the need to add to the pile of Slytherin barfs on the table?

Unable to ignore his passionate feelings, Harry leapt nobly from the table and strode over to the Slytherin table. He stood next to Pansy, sweat pouring in a waterfall down his head and neck. Pansy looked up, smiling brightly, despite the fact that the two have loathed each other since first year.

"Hello, Harry!" she said uncharacteristically. Harry nearly melted. Actually, he did, and the author had to find another Harry Potter.

Just kidding. Anyhow, Harry got down on one knee. The world seemed to go silent for him. His took Pansy's hand and held it gently.

"Pansy…I am madly, passionately, and uncharacteristically in love with you," he said. Pansy's face looked crestfallen.

"Harry, I am terribly sorry, but I must confess…I do not feel the same way. You see, I am madly, passionately, and uncharacteristically in love with Ron," she said, her beautiful eyes brimming with shining tears that began to poor down her soft cheeks, making readers everywhere go to the nearest Gun and Rifle store and shoot themselves.

To Harry, it seemed that the world had shattered. Actually, it did, and the author had to go find another world.

Just kidding. Anyhow, Harry staggered back to the table, his lovely, emerald green eyes shining with unshed tears. He sat down next to Ron, crying softly. Ron and Hermione turned toward Harry, their faces the perfect picture of sympathy.

"Harry…what's the matter?" Ron said gently and uncharacteristically. Hermione nodded, nearly crying because Harry was upset.

"It's my love…" he said quietly, gesturing to where the Slytherins sat and where Pansy Parkinson was nearly drowning in _her _pool of angsty romance. Actually, she did, and the author had to find another Pansy Parkinson.

Just kidding. Anyhow, Harry explained his problem, informing Ron that Pansy was passionately and uncharacteristically in love with him.

"She passionately and uncharacteristically in love with you, Ron," Harry informed him. Ron stared at Pansy, agape. He shook his head, _his _eyes now shining with tears.

"Oh Harry…I don't feel the same about her. I am madly, passionately, and uncharacteristically in love with Cho Chang, you see…" Harry's best friend trailed off, biting his lower lip. As though she possessed some sort of supersonic hearing, Cho glided over to the Gryffindor table. She smiled sadly at Ron, her eyes glittering with tears.

"Oh Ron…how to put this…you see…I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry, but my heart is forever with…" she closed her eyes, her gorgeous, thick, raven, ebony, black hair hanging in front of her dark, soft, tar-like eyes. Ron thought he would faint and fall in a heap upon the cold marble floor, cracking his skull. Actually, he did, and the author had to find a new Ron Weasely.

Just kidding. Anyhow, after a very dragged out, prolonged silence at which time several readers who were not yet dead went and lived among lions for about fifteen seconds before being devoured, Cho finally spoke again.

"I am madly, passionately, and uncharacteristically in love with Neville Longbottom."

Neville, who was only a few feet away from Harry and company, fell face-first into his plate of steak. Characters always fall face-first into mashed potatoes, but he had just finished his potatoes a moment before Cho had spoken. When he had revived and wiped the blood of cow off his face, he took a deep breath and spoke to Cho in an uncharacteristically deep voice.

"Cho," he said slowly. "I do not love you…" his eyes shimmered with tears. "I must confess that I am madly, passionately, and uncharacteristically in love with Angelina Johnson."

Cho thought she would drown in the tears that were pouring thick and fast down her face. Actually, she did, and the author had to find another Cho Chang.

Just kidding. Anyhow, Angelina came striding from the Gryffindor table to where Neville was. Her eyes were like a lake of tears…a brown lake of tears. She clapped Neville gently on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry Neville…but I don't love you…I am madly, passionately, and uncharacteristically in love with Colin Creevy."

Neville thought that a lightning bolt would strike him dead on the spot. Actually, it did, and the author had to find a new Neville Longbottom.

Just kidding. Anyhow, Colin, who had been snapping pictures of his left shoe, looked up, tears streaming down his face. He rocked back and forth slowly and then spoke.

"Angelina…I'm sorry but I do not love you. You see, I am madly, passionately, and uncharacteristically in love with Professor Trelawny."

Angelina was sure that a giant snake with two heads and a tail like a mace would break through the wall and devour her alive. Actually, it did, and the author had to find a new Angelina Johnson.

Just kidding. Anyhow, Professor Trelawny, being the seer that she was, appeared mystically beside Colin and smiled down at him sadly, mystical tears of mysticalness cascading down her cheeks.

"My dear," she said in a mystical voice, "I'm sorry, but my feelings are not the same. You see, I am madly, passionately, and uncharacteristically in love with Harry Potter…"

Colin thought that three men in periwinkle polyester suits covered in sequins would leap through the window and beat him to death with their canes.

Actually, they did, and the author had to find a new Colin Creevy.

Just kidding. Anyhow, at this point, with everybody in the Great Hall crying, it still being dinner in the Great Hall after several hours, and the love…shape being closed, a reader, who had completely lost all sanity, burst into Hogwarts and lit the place aflame, even though that is impossible. And so, Hogwarts exploded in a firy blast of stone and fire. And everybody died.

A/N: Just a bit of fun. I hope you liked. Well…thaaaaaaaaas' all! Ciao!


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